Love the One You're With.
Posted: Friday, January 07, 2011
by Terrence Aubrey
Terrence
We in the online dating business are, we hope bringing together hearts and minds in a loving and caring relationship, but the statistics tell us that in the west now, one third, or more of marriages are doomed to divorce and separation, that is a lot of pain, frustration and dissapointment. Why has divorce reached epedemic proportions?
What are the root core dynamics of a successful relationship? Clearly a mutual attraction is going to be at, or near the top of the list, but mutual attraction of what qualities? Good looks, good body, sexy etc., etc., these are good starting points, but only starting points.
Yes sex appeal and physical beauty is a wonderful thing, as is that first rush of love, it has been the root of song writting and poetry for an age, but can it stand the test of time, the reality of surviving in these difficult economic times? Bringing up children, shopping, maintaining a house, mortgage, career etc., can soon take the gloss off of those initial powerful feelings of lust, longing and wanting.
It is a strange thing that whilst a lot of effort is put into teaching us many things in our formative years, forming and sustaining a relationship, marriage and raising children is something we are left to get on with as best we can, at least in the west and this could in part account for the huge number of marriages that end in failure, dissapointment and bitterness.
Statistically second marriages have even less chance of surviving than the first and if we look at the rich and famous that often marry four, five, or more times, the chances of the union surviving seem to decrease rather than increase as the process is repeated.
So in reverse to the saying, "The grass is not neccesarily greener on the other side of the hill".Try to get it right first time.
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More commentsEverything mentioned except God who created marriage as a symbol of the union between God and mankind, Christ and the Church. But beautifully written and oh so true. Most marriages lack the fundamental reliance on God as their basic glue. This is what is missing in most marriages these days.But your points are well taken and applauded by me.Thanks for the comment Jesus, but, please correct me if I am wrong, the institution of marriage, as we now know it was created in its present form by the catholic church a long time after the death of Jesus Christ. I personally think that if they can find the time, they could maybe take a look at it and perhaps revise some aspects?
If at first you don't succeed- try try again- This seems to be the American motto-well, I guess it's just our way of wanting to give everybody a second chance......which we all need and want sometimes......Always- EllaNice comment Ella, but....I just hope your medical proffesion and airline pilots are prohibited from sharing this motto, clearly the banking proffesion is not.
The Word of God which has been followed by both Jews and Christians long beyond the Catholic Church began, declares Adam knew his wife. How is Adam's parner called his wife if God did not institute marriage? God bless.Adam as in Adam and Eve? Thank you for your interesting comments Jesus.
Thank you very much Shari for sharing your inspirational matrimonial success story, after 45 years you must know each other better than you know yourself. The advice you gave to your children, is I think wise. Thanks again, Terrence
Hi Terrence.You made some very excellent points. I do think too many people rush into marriage. By the time Bernd and I got married we'd been together (not living together :)) for almost five years. We'd had time to explore our likes and dislikes, philosophies about just about everything, whether or not we wanted kids and where we expected our lives to go. We met in 1970, married in 1975 and are still together. Yeah!Thanks for a thoughtful and wise article.Hugs, DianneHi Diana and congratulations on your success story, you are better qualified than I to write on the issue of marriage as an institution...Keep smilingOh, I sincerely doubt that. But thanks for the thought. :) :)Wow, two comments from you. Thanks for contributing Diana. Ok after you next 20 years of contented marriage an article from you? Deal?
"Statistically second marriages have even less chance of surviving than the first and if we look at the rich and famous that often marry four, five, or more times, the chances of the union surviving seem to decrease rather than increase as the process is repeated."Great advice, Terrence! Perhaps in the case of marriage or marriages, it could be said that too much of a good thing turns out to be bad. ~mogama~Or in the words of a very old Beatles song "money can't buy you love"! Actually maybe we miss the point, maybe there is a competition amongst the rich and famous to notch up as many spouses as they can?
Excellent Terrence! Well said! I think there has to be a physical attraction when you meet the love of your life, but I also think there are single people out there who are single because they can't look beyond a person's looks, or bank account. They're missing out on meeting sincere, loving people. Love is growing old with someone who loves you, for you.Thanks for the comment and the tip, the bank account part, now I know why I am currently single.......
After 27 years of marriage I can tell you that it is worth it to "Love the One You're With." Love must always be part of admiration, respect, understanding, patience, friendship, humility, and a list of many more attributes needed for success. Such a complicated little word.Well said Jon!
Well jon, yours is testament Nº4 of the proof that marriages can stand the test of time and with ease, or are SearchWarp readers unique?
Hello Terrence. Great points. The sad thing is that many people don't want to do what it takes to stay committed. It's always the other person. And often, our love is conditional and self-centered. Marriage should involve friendship and playfulness and too often we end up demanding more from eachother than what is reasonable to expect. I once heard it said, "the grass may be greener on the other side, but the water bill is also much higher" Thanks again for sharing. Blessings to you! TeresaExcellent comment Teresa, thanks. Yes selfish love, is it even love? I,ll love you if you love me, feed me, care for me,me,me. If you are a believer in god as the father, we would be in serious trouble if his love were conditional. Could it even be that to love another, we must first love ourselves?Hi Terrence. Yes I am a believer in God as my Father and and so grateful His love is unconditional. Isn't it interesting in all that God teaches in His word, not even once does he tell us to love ourselves? But he says love others as you love yourselves. Man - what a world it would be if we all did this! If we gave others the same care and attention we give ourselves, that we would the beginning of unconditional love. We want others to accept us the way we are, but we expect them to become what we want. Sheesh! God knows what He is talking about :-)
1 Corinthians 13 1-12We are a strange bunch we humans, that is for sure. We devote a lot of effort in searching for Mr/Miss perfect and then even more effort into trying to change them as you say! Unconditional love is it seems a difficult concept for us to grasp. Does God love athiests any less than believers? Perhaps parenting is the closest many of us come to that state. Your comments are both very refreshing and interesting, thank you Teresa.Hi Terrence. Unconditional love is a hard concept to grasp. Most times we have no problem receiving it. It' s giving it that is the problem. God does not love atheists any less than believers. but his heart does grieve for them because they reject Him and do not return His love, so they miss out on all that He desires to give them. And thank you, this is a refreshing conversation. Many blessings to you :-) If you are interested I wrote a piece a long time ago about long suffering and unconditional love here on SearchWarp - two actually. One called unconditional love and growing old together and the other called Tattoos, longsuffering, and the grace of God. You can find them by searching the lists of my articles. Many blessings to you!
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